


Severus Snape and the Time He Texted the Wrong Number

by jellybeantarot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Cell Phones, Crack, F/M, Not Canon Compliant - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Pre-Relationship, Textfic, Texting, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25919152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeantarot/pseuds/jellybeantarot
Summary: Snape gets a cell phone and a reality check when he accidentally texts the wrong number.
Relationships: Severus Snape & Original Female Character(s), Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Severus Snape and the Time He Texted the Wrong Number

Sunday AM 

(11:02) _Am I doing this right, Albus?_

(11:09) **if ur goal was to not text albus, then yup**

(11:10) **albus is a badass name, btw, tell them their name is sick**

(11:12) _My apologies, I thought I was messaging my colleague. Also, you may want to consider using a dictionary if you cannot spell ‘you’re’._

(11:13) **wow, albus would never insult me like you**

(11:14) **he doesnt deserve you’re friendship**

(11:16) _*Your. Please, spare me from your awful grammar if you insist on replying._

(11:19) **lol i was taking the piss that time**

(11:19) **i’ll leave you to your riveting convo with al**

(11:22) _Never nickname my boss again._

(11:25) **oh alfred! i like you much more than grammar-freak-text-guy!**

(11:26) _Alfred? You can’t just take someone’s nickname to make another name._

(11:27) **grammar police AND nickname sergeant? thank you for your contributions to society**

(11:29) _It’s with a heavy heart that I accept the responsibilities of correcting the appalling behavior of wrong numbers._

(11:30) **and we appreciate your servitude.**

(11:31) **alan is lucky to have such a hard working subordinate**

(11:32) _I thought we moved past this appalling nicknamery._

(11:33) _Also, piss off, I know you were trying to insult me by calling me his subordinate._

(11:34) **eh, we’re all someone’s subordinate in the grand scheme of life in a capitalist society.**

(11:35) **and apparently, harassing wrong numbers is a great hangover cure so if i want to continue my ‘nicknamery’ of alexander, i will**

(11:35) **nicknamery also sounds super cute!?**

(11:36) _It’s an accurate description of the act, nothing cute about it._

(11:37) _And hungover at nearly noon? How old are you?_

(11:40) **its hella cute! ill give u a nickname too!**

(11:41) **it’s the weekend DAD get off my case. im 26 though, so nothing illegal going on here, just a quarter life crisis**

(11:42) _Great to know I should never tell you my name._

(11:44) **dont be like that! you do have to tell me how old you are now, though**

(11:45) **fair’s fair**

(11:48) _I’m 33._

(11:49) _You can tell me your name, if you would like to._

(11:52) **no offense, but i dont want to give my real name to a stranger**

(11:53) **stranger danger, and whatnot**

(11:53) **maybe someday**

(11:54) _It’s fine._

(11:54) _I should go. Someone’s knocking on my door._

(11:54) **sure! ttyl**

(11:55) **this was cool, random guy**

****

Sunday PM 

(3:34) _What was the meaning behind your dramatic anti-capitalism earlier?_

(3:37) **well, hello to you too!**

(3:38) **i was being mostly dramatic. i teach high school european history, and apparently kids are going through a socialism phase right now?**

(3:39) **normal teenage things, you know**

(3:40) _That’s what normal teenagers do?_

(3:41) _Are you sure?_

(3:42) **i dont get it either.**

(3:43) **you dont know how many of them scream “down with the bourgeoisie!” on the daily**

(3:45) _If you don’t mind me asking, where are you? Not in a stalker way, I just mean country._

(3:46) **england. london-ish area, but not as posh**

(3:47) **and im pretty sure that even if one says ‘not in a stalker way,’ it still sounds suspiciously stalkish**

(3:47) **i trust you tho, bro**

(3:49) _I am not your brother._

(3:50) _I only asked because I also teach, and I hadn’t understood that so many students were interested in economics. Politics? I’m not sure of the terminology._

(3:52) **i think my kids are a bit strange, but capitalism and socialism are a large part of euro history, so they play it up. every. damn. year.**

(3:53) **what do you teach? thats kinda neat that we both have that in common**

(3:55) _… Chemistry. Yes._

(3:56) _I work at a boarding school in Scotland, though. So maybe the students here just don’t understand the real world as much._

(3:58) **thats neat! im sure that’s an ~experience~**

(4:00) _‘Experience’ is incredibly tame. Last year, the secret chamber of one of the founders was discovered in the girls’ lavatory and there was a spider infestation._

(4:01) **what the fuck**

(4:02) **what kind of learning institution are you working at?**

(4:03) _Usually, it’s extremely safe._

(4:04) _Well, not last year either._

(4:04) _We had a problem with one of the professors. He tried to attack a student multiple times, and the student eventually had to retaliate in self defense, if you know what I mean._

(4:05) **WHAT THE FUCK**

(4:06) _The same student was the one to discover the chamber, and kind of…_

(4:06) _Well_

(4:07) _Battled a snake/alligator thing. And lived. And is currently attending._

(4:07) **WHAT A LEGEND**

(4:08) **AND WHAT THE FUCK**

(4:08) **ALBUS NEEDS TO GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER**

(4:09) **im assuming albus is the headmaster**

(4:09) **what year is the student?**

(4:10) _He’s 13, ninth year._

(4:10) **!!!**

(4:11) **WHAT**

(4:11) **THE FUCK**

(4:12) _It sounds more impressive than it really is._

(4:13) **fuck off, he’s literally the coolest**

(4:13) **how is he my favorite student and i literally dont teach him**

(4:14) _If only he put as much effort into his education as his adventures._

(4:15) **ur telling me that if there was a SECRET CHAMBER you wouldnt investigate?** ****

(4:16) _I went here as a student while the chamber was still a myth. I did a little investigating, but certainly not when I was twelve._

(4:17) **text-bro, i think ur jelly of a pre teen**

(4:18) **just because he doesnt know the periodic table doesnt mean he isnt hot shit**

(4:21) _I looked up what jelly means._

(4:21) _I am not jealous. At all._

(4:21) _His father and I went to school together, and they are disturbingly similar._

(4:22) **whatever u say, man**

  
(4:23) **i just know that im jealous; he sounds like hes having a grand ol’ HARROWING MIND FUCK of a time**  
  
  


(4:24) _I’m really not jealous. He is arrogant, and self absorbed. He acts like a celebrity._

(4:25) **chill out lol, hes a kid**

(4:26) **just bc u harbor some resentment for his dad doesnt mean the kid isnt cool**

(4:27) _The point is that he could afford some tact. His friends are just as bad._

(4:28) _One is an insufferable know it all, the other is basically just his shadow who makes up for his lack of talent in school with his troublemaking._

(4:49) **u need to have a parent-teacher conference with hero boy’s dad and the other kids’ parents**

(4:50) _… Right._

(4:51) **oh no**

(4:51) **why the ellipses**

(4:53) _He may technically be an orphan._

(4:54) **WHAT. THE. FUCK.**

(4:55) **you hate this kid because you didnt get along with his DECEASED FATHER OVER TEN YEARS AGO**

(4:55) **i hope u know u sound like a legit psychopath**

(4:56) _It’s a really long story, but I have my reasons, ones I will not divulge to a stranger over messenger._

(4:57) **ok, jeez, texto. give the kid a break. knowing his luck, sirius black is going after him next**

(4:58) _…_

(4:59) _That would be almost unbelievable._

(5:00) **ur joking, right?**

(5:10) **texto?**

(5:17) **shit**

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
